Visitors to the Vineyard, pt. 3

LESSON THIRTEENTH: On the Sacraments in General

Q. 574. What is a Sacrament?

A. A Sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace.

What I love about my job as parish Director of Religious Education is also what I hate about it: that I work where I worship. The good side is I can avail myself of the sacraments as often as I need—which is continually; the bad side is I can’t escape work when I worship.

At times when I should be engaged in silent prayer or concentrating on the various parts of the liturgy, I find myself ‘doing my job’ i.e., keeping an eye on children’s behavior or figuring out who I need to speak to after Mass and how I can manage to ‘catch’ as many of them as possible before I myself get ‘caught’. Other times, God takes pity on me and grants me the grace of pure prayer, but then afterwards I worry if I’ve been carefully following the rubrics of the Mass. I can become so absorbed in my conversation with Jesus that I forget where I am or what I’m doing.

Yesterday is a prime example. I’d just left the weekly meeting with all the First Sacraments’ parents after asking them to remind their children to step forward confidently when they come up to receive their First Holy Communion, say their “Amen” loud enough to be heard, and make a big Sign of the Cross versus a small furtive one. I’ve been saying more or less these same things week-after-week-after-week... and wondering if a hint of frustration has slipped into my tone or manner. Please God, I hope not!

Our pastor had given an amazing homily about “And Jesus Wept” which I alluded to in my previous post. As an RCIA Sponsor I needed to attend Mass with my catechumen and I was looking forward to hearing the homily again. On this second time around I was determined to listen to Our Lord’s Voice in the Mass and not let my mind wander. Every single Mass and homily is another ‘Visitor to our Vineyard’—someone come to prune, fertilize and water our vines.

Well, I succeeded in listening and paying attention so well, that Communion and Mass were over before I realized I didn’t have a clue how I’d received Communion physically; but I had this vague sense of not even saying my “Amen” at all much less saying it loud. I’m sure I at least made the Sign of the Cross, but I did it out of habit—a reflex—and I doubt it was the way I had told the children to make it, big and bold. And yet, all that said, it was probably one of the best communions I’ve had with Jesus in a very long time. My heart was completely at one with His. I was focused on Him, (not myself) His message and His sorrows as described in John Chapter 11.

Our Lord gave me two great gifts on Sunday. The first was obviously the beautiful experience of Communion with Him, but I think the second gift was more important. It was the reminder that there are two dimensions to sacramental communion: the physical outward signs and the invisible inward action of Grace.

What I’m trying to say is, we can get all the actions right and the heart may be elsewhere. But if the heart is prepared and loving when the child, or even adult, goes up to receive The Body and Blood of Jesus, then mistakes in form aren't going to matter. And we poor humans cannot see into each other's hearts.

So this Sunday when I talk to my First Sacraments’ parents, I’m going to use myself as the guinea pig and remind them that only God can see into another person’s heart. We can teach our children and love them and pray for them—and certainly we can never stop doing any of those things—but it is God who does the real Work in each soul, through the power of His transforming Grace.

And as the little daughter of the lady who I am sponsoring this year for Easter prays, “Our Father, Who works hard in Heaven...”

Yes, He does. And on earth...and under the earth and everywhere else too.

Thanks be to God!

Letting go means finding

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God gave me life that I might enjoy all things.

We’re snowed in again here in Oklahoma.

So I'm at home—working, writing, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. When I saw a big pile of stuff my daughter had put in the back room to donate to the next agency calling to pick up our ‘give aways’ I was inspired. Time to scour the shelves and closets looking for things I can ‘harvest’ and prepare to pass along.

Immediately I set to work.

Here’s something—a tape series on mentoring your teen. And how about this, some old homeschooling stuff. Don’t need that anymore for sure. So as I cleaned off a side table in the corner of the front room making piles, going through papers, books and things I hadn’t looked at in months, maybe years, dusting and rearranging I discovered some spiritual material from a long ago retreat which I could use for a meeting this week-end. Wonderful! Thanks God! I can’t remember the last time I saw that.

And then! Then!

My CAT NOTEBOOK! What?




My what? My Cat Notebook! This was given to me by my Mother-in-Law on the 28th of January 1988. It’s only a paperback book, roughly 8 x 10 consisting of (originally) blank pages, cat quotes and now bulging fat from all the cards, newspaper articles, stories, poems and miscellaneous truisms I’ve pasted in it. It’s a treasure chest of booklady wisdom collected over the years, meaningful only to me but very dear because of who gave it to me and all the odds and ends I’ve stuck in it. I’ve shared it with my husband, Mom, very special friends, and both my daughters at various times.

It has been “lost” for the past year or more. I’ve searched high and low for it but couldn’t remember where I put it, who (if anyone) I loaned it to or what could have happened to it. I tried not to worry but I missed it numerous times.

It made me smile. Another beautiful lesson: I needed to let go of some things in order to find what was lost.

Now! Let’s see what else I can get rid of! ☺

‘With the qualities of cleanliness, discretion, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of being cats?’ ~Fernand Mery

And as I typed that last letter, my faithful CAT meowed to let me know he had followed me into yet another room ... as he has been doing all day long. ☺

Child of Prayer

A friend asked me about my New Year’s Resolutions the other day. “What are your plans and dreams for the upcoming year?”

Plans and dreams... Yes, those are both very good things! God has a plan for my life—for every second of every day I have ever lived and will go on living in this world. And He often communicates His desires to His children through their dreams. So what plans and dreams can I have but His?

What I have for the upcoming year are prayers and one prayer in particular: to become a person of prayer.

I desire to live in constant communion with Him.

Every time my mind wanders to a problem, let it be drawn back to Him in trustful surrender.

When my eyes behold evil, let Him show me the Way, the Truth and Life.

If my heart seizes with fear, let His Love encircle and warm me, bringing more love than I’ve ever known before.

May He be my first thought every morning and may I fall asleep with His Name on my lips.

May He love and protect my dear ones as I would if I could—were I but All Knowing, All Loving and All Good.

May He turn all my sins into opportunities for growth in kindness, humility and patience.

Sweet Jesus, with every breath I take in, let me seek You; with every breath out, may I grow closer to You.

You know LORD what a wretch I am—how far I have to go, how much I ask by daring to pray as I do. And yet, You are the God of the Impossible. With and through You, All Things are possible, even my sanctification.

Help this year be a YEAR OF PRAYER for your servant. Help me seek You at all times, in all ways and without tiring.

Make me Your child of prayer.

Day 13 - How Do I Read?

‘For whatever was written previously was written for our instruction, that by endurance and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to think in harmony with one another, in keeping with Christ Jesus, that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.’ Romans 15:4-6

How do I read?

What a thought-provoking question!

In case you don’t know by now, I’m not choosing the titles of these blog posts. They are coming from the titles of each chapter in the book by Reverend Mills. Often they are a meditation unto themselves—as is the case here.

How do I read?

How we do something—as we all know—makes all the difference in everything that we do. Most actions accomplished half-heartedly, aimlessly or with a distracted mind might as well be left undone. We all know what God thinks of lukewarm lovers. Be on-fire for Him or be gone.

So again I ask: how do I read?

S lowly, taking time for each thought, each phrase to dissolve into me.
C arefully, being as gentle with a word as I would with The Word.
R eflectively, savoring subtle meanings, like delicate flavors of a fine wine.
I ntrospectively, letting everything I read filter down through my journey.
P rayerfully, seeking the Father, through His Son, by the power of the Spirit.
T hankfully, bowing humbly before the Source to all Life and Grace.
U niversally, acknowledging my nothingness except as His child.
R everently, loving Him utterly for all He has done; striving to do the same.
E veryday! Everyday! Everyday!

How I read is as important as what I read.

A 30 Day Retreat

Want to do a 30 day retreat with me?

I was asked by this book's author to review his book. As it is entitled, A 30 Day Retreat, I don't know any other reliable way to approach it except to do the actual retreat over a thirty day time period—one chapter each day as laid out by the book.

Now I'll be honest. I'm pretty scared about this. You can look back over my recent blogging record and see that I haven't exactly been very consistent.

I could blame it on many things: this being my first year in a new job which is very creative and non-routine; going back into the work force full-time after seventeen years of being a stay-at-home mom; the challenge of having two dating teenage daughters, one of whom is a senior this year; my overprotective, wanting-to-be-involved-in-my-children's-lives style of mothering; my in-laws having just moved within a block of us this past year, or a combination of any/all of the above.

But whatever the reason(s), I haven't managed to blog very often recently. Can I now read a chapter from this book and write something about it every day? I don't know.

This won't be an easy month either. Tomorrow is First Communion. My oldest daughter graduates from high school in three weeks. Mother's Day comes in there too. It won't be easy, but I think I need this.

So, I invite you to join Father William C. Mills and me as we spend the next month on retreat.

God bless you!

misshapen cup

Sometimes God grants me extraordinary graces. Well maybe He does it all the time and I just miss them. Today I noticed.

I am home alone today—a rare event for me these days—and I was listening to Brother Andre’s series on Mental Prayer. In it he was reading from Dom Eugene Boylan’s Difficulties in Mental Prayer which got me thinking deeply about my utter dependence on God, even for my own ability to pray to Him. What? I can’t even worship Him, love Him, tell Him I love Him without His help? No, no and no. I do know this. On a certain level, but in another way, how often do I really let that thought settle in, take hold of me and permeate everything I do, think and feel?

I saw myself—maybe for the first time, certainly for the first time in a long time—for what I am, a piece of clay, a lump of mud, a pile of dust. And yet God loves me?

The clay analogy made me think of my daughter who is taking a clay art class this semester in school. She recently gave me one of her rejected items, a cup. She was going to throw it away. She gives her nice pieces as gifts or keeps them herself, but this poor, misshapen cup she was going to toss. I rescued it from oblivion. After all, she made it. Its value lay in its creator, not in the creation itself—which brings me full circle back to my own soul.

My value lies not in the odd look my soul manifests due my own sinful nature, but in the fact that my Creator made me and KEPT ME! He didn’t choose to throw me away, though He certainly could have and based on the mess I’ve made of my cup (at times) He probably should have!

Instead, He keeps me and keeps on investing graces in me, whenever I ask ... and many times even when I forget to ask.

Today Lord, if possible, rewet and rework the original clay into something better. And yet, if it is for Your Greater Glory that I continue to be a misshapen cup, let me serve you as I am.

forgetting what lies behind

Have you ever had a conversation with someone which was so good you were torn between hanging on every word and wanting to grab a pen or a tape recorder so that you could capture every word?

I just had such a conversation. I don’t want to forget it, but already so much of it is slipping away from memory. It was more than the meeting of minds or hearts—although it certainly was that—it was the communion of two souls. After Mass today I very much wanted to tell a lady from our parish who I know and like, but don’t know as well as I’d like to know, that I really appreciated her rendering of the Second Reading from Philippians. It’s a difficult selection and she is a superb lector, but today I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking through St. Paul’s words and her voice. It was a God moment.

Before I had a chance to tell her what I thought about her lectoring, we started talking about women, our need to give, the importance and gift of being able to receive, and special women we both know. Then in a very natural way, the conversation turned to the loss of her husband four years ago and her subsequent walk with grief.

This was not one of those conversations with a woman looking for sympathy. Rather it was the shared insight from a truly Wise Woman.

The husband she described sounded very much like my own husband—a wonderful man, loving, considerate, generous, hard-working, always thinking of others before himself. He used to take care of everything around the house, from doing the grocery shopping to scrubbing the bathroom floors. After he died, she would find herself on her knees scrubbing the floors crying ... thinking ... remembering. There are some things in the past which shouldn’t be forgotten.

But when he died she found her real spiritual work began. She needed to learn to develop in areas which she didn’t even know existed, where he’d been strong for her. It was this inner strength, this holy wisdom, this deep spirituality which I heard when she lectored. I drank it in.

I thought too about my own dear husband and felt a moment of panic, sheer terror actually, as I thought of my own potentially impending future, a time to come without him. What would I do? How could I go on?

She spoke of kind people—dear friends—wanting so desperately to help her in her bereavement and how she helped them in allowing them to help her. We both had tears in our eyes and few spilled over as well. She apologized to me! I felt privileged and honored that she would share her story with me.

We talked about judgments and she said how we are all taught to judge everything, from the weather, to people, to situations. But what a different perspective if instead of judging we choose to look at everything as an opportunity from God to grow. “What do you want me to gain from this O LORD?” And she said oh so much more…

Finally I did get to tell her how much I enjoyed and benefited from hearing her lector today, but by the time I did, I had already gained so much more, well … anyway, it made her happy. And for that LORD, I am truly grateful!

‘Remember not the events of the past,
the things of long ago consider not;
see, I am doing something new!’

Living Water . . . or . . .

I can’t help it; I just like the places in Holy Scripture where Jesus interacts with women. As a child I hungered for stories about children. As a grown woman, I seek out books and other forms of inspirational media involving women. I suppose it is only natural.

One such event described only in the Gospel of St. John is the story of the Woman at the Well. Jesus and his disciples had just left Judea and returned to Galilee passing necessarily through Samaria, alien territory. In the little town of Sychar, near the plot of land that Jacob had given to his son Joseph was a well which still bore the patriarch’s name. John tells us that the disciples had gone into the town to buy food and Jesus, tired from his journey, sat down there at the well about noon. Along comes a woman to draw water.

What the evangelist doesn’t tell us—but most people of the time knew—was that most respectable women got their water in the cool of the morning or late in the evening. This was done as much for practical reasons as for social ones. Therefore, the Samaritan Woman was most likely an outcast. She was getting her water during the heat of the day when she was least likely to encounter her neighbors. Have you ever run errands at ‘safe’ times? To avoid people who didn’t like you? Bullies, maybe or popular groups? I find myself intrigued by this Samaritan Woman.

Jesus asks her for water and she replies, “How can you, a Jew, ask me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?" She may be a social leper but she’s practical and knows the score; Jews use nothing in common with Samaritans.

But Jesus has something much bigger in mind than social mores. He is thinking, seeing and answering her as God does, "If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

Her reply is all too human and earthy: "Sir, you do not even have a bucket and the cistern is deep; where then can you get this living water?”

Here I see myself. Here I become the Woman at the Well. I am holding the bucket. He wants to give me Living Water. I persist in asking Jesus ‘bucket’ questions:

‘Where is the water? How do I get it? Are you going to give it to me? What's the 'catch'? The cost? How is this whole thing going to work? Can we get this all arranged so I can get out of here before my unfriendly neighbors come out and I have to deal with them?’

But the real question is, can I let go of my ‘bucket’ questions? My limited perspective?

When will I stop trying to fit God into my little bucket?

I went to the well today at this particular time to avoid meeting people I was afraid would embarrass or upset me—and what did I find?

Who did I meet? God Himself!

And He is offering me something which surpasses my wildest dreams!

His Living Water is more, better, bigger, tastier and more satisfying than anything I can imagine!

Now, can I set my bucket down?

Can I drink fully from His Living Water?

This Jesus Challenges Me

I use force, and He says, Forgive.

I am afraid, and He says, Take heart.

I doubt, and He says, Trust.

I feel anxious, and He says, Be calm.

I desire to be left alone, and He says, Come, follow me.

I make my plans, and He says, Let's go this way.

I want security, and He says to me, You will be persecuted for my sake.

I want to live, and He says, Give your life.

I believe I am a good person, and He says, That's not enough.

I want to be in charge, to give the commands, and He says, Serve, obey.

I want to understand, and He says, Believe.

I want clarity, and He speaks to me in Parables.

I want poetry, and He speaks of Realities.

I want tranquility, and He wants me To be disturbed.

I think of revenge, and He says, Turn the other cheek.

I speak of peace, and He says, I have come to bring a sword.

I want to hide, and He says, Let your light shine.

I seek out the first place, and He says, Sit in the last place.

I want to be seen, and He says, Pray in secret.

I want to hang on, and He says, Let go.

I want to win, and He says, Surrender.

No, I don't understand this Jesus. He provokes me. He confounds me.

Like many of His disciples I, too, think I would like to follow a different teacher; one who would be more clear, and who would ask less of me.

But it is as true for me as it was for Peter. When Jesus asked the twelve, "Do you also wish to go away?" Simon Peter answered, "Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life.

I wish I could claim to have written this, but I didn't. I can only say that every word of it is as true for me as it was for the actual author, a Kenyan priest. My friend, MAM sent it to me and I love it!

Mental Prayer, Part 7

A leper came to him (and kneeling down) begged him and said, "If you wish, you can make me clean." ~~ Mark 1:40

Today I finally—and somewhat reluctantly—finished Dom Chautard’s, The Soul of the Apostolate. I’m also almost finished with Pope Benedict’s The Spirit of the Liturgy. Both books have been long, slow, meditative reads—unlike what I usually do, which is to “gobble” my books.

It’s interesting when you read two classic works simultaneously; you get to see how the thoughts of Great Minds—separated by time, space and even death—can sometimes synchronize. The Scripture above, interestingly enough comes from a selection I was reading in the Pope’s book and not Chautard’s, but it seemed a very appropriate lead in to what will be the last post in this particular series, and hopefully just the beginning of something even bigger.

In his book, Chautard recommends daily Mass; in his book, the Holy Father shows us why participation in the Liturgy is essential to our ‘transformation by it into the Logos (logisiert), conformed to Him and made the true Body of Christ.’ (page 174)

Making time for Mass is one thing, participating is another. For a fuller appreciation of our Catholic Liturgy, I cannot recommend a better guide than this incredible book by Pope Benedict, for all it is not the easiest text by him, nor is he writing at the usual 8th grade level of most popular Christian books today.

However, this series being about mental prayer, I want to leave you with what I have learned—thus far—from my repeated efforts to persist in fidelity to mental prayer. Some of these “lessons” are practical and some philosophical. I debated dividing them up but found that impossible, so here they are. The list is in no way authoritative, nor definitive, nor do I claim originality. Most likely everything I write has been recorded before by those much holier, wiser and more experienced than me. That’s just fine. This is my list and my experiences. If they are helpful to anyone, I am most humbly grateful; if not, it has still helped me to compile this list. Mostly I'm just deeply humbled and grateful for all I've learned. What I share below is just a fraction of it.


1. Schedule time for mental prayer every day-no matter what! Some sources recommend thirty minutes; others say we should give a minimum of an hour to our mental prayer each day. Seek the counsel of your spiritual director and/or confessor based on your particular vocation and current life requirements. But whatever, you decide, be faithful to daily mental prayer. If you know you will not be able to accomplish your prayer first thing in the morning, make sure you do it as soon as possible.

2. Prepare for the next morning’s mental prayer by thinking and praying about it the night before. Lay out your materials: breviary, rosary, Bible, prayer books, cards, icons, notes, lists, etc. Decide (if possible) what will be the focus of your prayer time. I found this to be a vital first step as I often wasn’t sufficiently awake first thing in the morning to make important decisions. However, if everything was organized and ready, things went much more smoothly.

3. Begin by asking the Holy Spirit for the Grace to pray well. Invoke your Guardian Angel’s protection. Often formal prayers are/were a good way to start, especially if I was tired. Many days I read from the Daily Readings and used those as ‘launching pad’ for discussion. However, it wasn’t long before, I found my own faults and failings provided plenty of material! This brings me to the opening quote from the leper—when I read that today it jumped out at me because it reminded me of something God and I had been talking about earlier today. Since I’ve begun mental prayer, the daily readings at Mass have come ALIVE! They breathe with the fire of the Holy Spirit, like they never did before.

4. Invite Jesus to sit down next to you or across from you. Find or place a favorite chair near yours so that you may talk to Him one-on-one. Or, if you prefer, kneel down in front of Him. Sitting or kneeling, you are in His Presence and He is in yours. Be with Him. He is with you. Close your eyes if you want. See Him in your mind. Talk to Him ... silently or aloud. Begin by telling Him how much you love Him and need Him. Know He loves you as well!

5. Accept that you are with Jesus . . . wherever your mind goes. This is NOT to say we shouldn't bring our attention back to Our Lord each and every time we become aware it has wandered off; it is only recognition and acceptance that, in His eyes, we are but spiritual children and He knows our weaknesses and understands our struggles. I will write more about this later when I begin a new series on the Interior Life, delving into Santa Teresa’s beautiful book, Interior Castle, but for now, think of Jesus as you would a benevolent parent or trusted spouse. Even when you are with your beloved, you have your moments of time where each of you think your own thoughts. This is understood and accepted by married couples and loving families everywhere. Why should Our Lord, who made you, knows and loves you better even than your own mother, expect what is impossible from His children? The answer is, He doesn’t. He wants us to strive and keep striving for perfection. With His Grace, may we always do as much. There is much more to be said on this particular point. However, in the meantime, let no one be unduly harsh with him/herself in this matter, nor set unreasonably high expectations.

6. Use holy objects which help you begin or refocus your prayer. These items may include, but are not limited to: candles, icons, prayer cards, rosaries/chaplets, statues, spiritual reading(s), and lists of things to talk about and/or people to pray for. If such aids will or might help you, consider keeping them near your prayer chair for those particularly dry times; it’s comforting to have something to fall back on.

7. And last but not least, what about Interruptions? Interruptions used to throw me into a positive tizzy! I tried turning off the phone, locking myself in my room, putting signs on the front door, wearing ear plugs, etc., all in an effort to get myself some quiet in a noisy home with children. Sooner or later, all my efforts backfired. Finally I settled on a simple rule of thumb: all interruptions come from God to further test my patience. I can either accept them gracefully or what is the point of my prayer time? However, accepting them, doesn’t mean I have to respond to them all equally. Now I start my prayer time before anyone else (except my dear hubby) is awake so the kids, phone and doorbell usually aren’t the problems they once were. Still, if the phone or cat or child(ren) do happen to enter during prayer time, I deal with it/him/her/them accordingly. Then, if the prayer session is less than ½ over, I go back and finish it; if the interruption occurs after the midway point, I call it a day.

‘Mental prayer is a furnace, in which the watch-fires of vigilance are constantly rekindled. Fidelity to mental prayer gives life to all our other pious exercises. By it, the soul will gradually acquire vigilance and a spirit of prayer, that is, a habit of ever more frequent recourse to God. Union with God in mental prayer will lead to intimate union with Him, even in the midst of our most absorbing occupations.

The soul, thus living in union with God, by custody of the heart, will draw down into itself, more and more, the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the infused virtues, and perhaps God will call it to a higher degree of prayer.’ ~~ Dom Chautard, page 292, "The Soul of the Apostolate"

This is my closing prayer for this series . . . and the promise of more to come!

In Him,

time to remodel

Jesus said: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You pay tithes of mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier things of the law: judgment and mercy and fidelity. But these you should have done, without neglecting the others. Blind guides, who strain out the gnat and swallow the camel! “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You cleanse the outside of cup and dish, but inside they are full of plunder and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, cleanse first the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may be clean.” ~~Mt 23:23-26

Remember when you were a kid and the teacher really ‘gave it’ to some kid—or group of kids—who really deserved it?! Didn’t you sit there in your chair and secretly (or not so secretly!) smile, feeling rather smug that you’d witnessed justice-in-action? It so often goes the other way that it’s nice when the “bad” guys get their due.

What am I saying? Even as adults, we rather enjoy watching our powerful enemies step in their own traps, embarrassed or brought to shame by excesses or crimes. So to have someone of Jesus’ impeccable reputation chastise the scribes and Pharisees in that way must have been satisfying for his audience.

And yet, I read—or heard—somewhere once that we’re always supposed to put ourselves into every situation in Scripture; that in order to derive maximum benefit from the stories and situations, we have to imagine ourselves capable of every sin committed.

We cannot view the scribes and Pharisees as “other” but that we are them.

Jesus is talking to us.
To me.
I am blind.
I am full of plunder and self-indulgence.
I am in need of cleaning, first on the inside.

Jesus’ harsh admonition in today’s Gospel is a personal invitation to ‘remodel’ ourselves ... myself from the inside out.

I know I have some serious work to do, but with His help, it can be done. He knows my Pharisaical insides and yet He loves me even so. Jesus’ words sound harsh, but just think how beautiful something is after it is remodeled—from the inside out. He alone can do that, because He alone KNOWS me.

It was no coincidence the Responsorial Psalm today is 139. Listen to these beautiful words and be filled with Hope, Joy and Peace:

R. You have searched me and you know me, Lord.
O LORD, you have probed me and you know me;
you know when I sit and when I stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar.
My journeys and my rest you scrutinize,
with all my ways you are familiar.
R. You have searched me and you know me, Lord.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know the whole of it.
Behind me and before, you hem me in
and rest your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
too lofty for me to attain.
R. You have searched me and you know me, Lord.

days like today

Today my oldest nephew starts high school.

Today is also my brother's 47Th birthday. Funny how things like that work out. My daughter, Michelle, is named after Michael. And she even looks a little like him too.

He would have loved her so much I know. He would have been a wonderful uncle but he never knew any of his nieces or nephews.
I don't mourn him for myself anymore, but every so often I can't help mourning all that my children and their cousins missed out on. Perhaps especially my two nephews, locked in worlds of their own by the strange and complex family of disorders known as Aspergers and autism.

Michael was always an introvert, quiet but good at making things. What would his relationship have been with Eric and Luke? And Meg and Michelle, too, for that matter? I suppose it doesn't matter now, but still I wonder ... on days like today.

And yet, this isn't a sad post but a happy one, because as I said, my nephew, Eric, is starting high school today. After almost eight years at private and/or special schools, my sister and her husband are mainstreaming him in a public school nearer their home. This will mean less driving for my sister who will still need to get Luke to his special school. Eric is considered a highly functional child with Aspergers. With Luke, the situation is more difficult. He is more typically autistic in most ways, although interestingly, more affectionate than his brother. Please remember my dear sister and her family in your prayers. Still, this is an exciting day, a milestone, and a day made extra-special because Eric starts high school on his Uncle Mike's birthday.

One other important event happened today: yours truly submitted her first ever real, professional job resume. I won't know the outcome for almost a month, but I've done my best, so I turned it all over to Him. And I can't help feeling good about whatever happens knowing that I applied for this job on my brother's birthday.

May your day be blessed by the love of God, family and many friends!



P.S. My sister let us know Eric had a pretty good first day of high school. He found all his classes (he said he had to ask for directions a few times), he sat with someone for lunch (and could even remember the boy's name!), he had homework in two subjects but found time to do it during classes and overall came home in a great mood. Apparently, he was happiest because he saw a fire drill schedule and there isn't one of those until the 27th. ☺ Thanks in advance for prayers!

Mental Prayer, Part 1

Beginning again...

'What a wonderful Ideal is that which I behold in You, my Jesus. But is my life in harmony with that perfect Exemplar? That is what I now set out to discover, under Your earnest gaze, O my Divine Companion. Now You are all Mercy; but when I come before you in Particular Judgment – then at a single glance You will take in all the secret motives underlying the smallest acts of my life. Am I living according to this Ideal? Jesus, if I were to die right now, would You not find that my life is in contradiction with it?

Good Master, what are the points that You want me to correct?'

~~Dom Jean Baptiste Chautard, O.C.S.O.

I was hoping to find the text to The Soul of the Apostolate on-line somewhere. Sadly, it doesn't seem to have made the jump yet.* I'm not sure exactly why that is; it's an indescribably accessible book on prayer and the spiritual life. In fact, I can see how an ordinary soul (like me) with nothing but Holy Scripture, this book, and the help of the Holy Spirit, could make great progress ... if I would but apply myself.

Published in 1946, just at the end of World War II, The Soul of the Apostolate was translated by the youthful Thomas Merton, whose spiritual autobiography, The Seven Storey Mountain, was written only two years later. I hope to return to that classic as well and see if I can detect French Dom Chautard's influence on the American Trappist.

Ah! But again I digress! This is how a booklady gets herself in trouble. The point of this post was the opening quote (above) from page 206 and that all important question:

Good Master, what are the points that You want me to correct?

* After publishing this, I am happy to report, I discovered the text on-line here.

The Dog Woman

A Canaanite woman of that district came and called out, “Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David! My daughter is tormented by a demon.” But he did not say a word in answer to her. His disciples came and asked him, “Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us.” He said in reply, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” But the woman came and did him homage, saying, “Lord, help me.” He said in reply, “It is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs.” She said, “Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from the table of their masters.” Then Jesus said to her in reply, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And her daughter was healed from that hour.

The Canaanite Woman is one of my favorite stories—people—in the entire New Testament. I remember puzzling over Our Lord’s seemingly callous treatment of her when I was a child. Back then I knew that repeated pleas – or pestering – adults for something never got you anywhere. The Gospel passage didn’t make sense, but then much about the mysterious world of grown-ups doesn’t mean anything to us when we’re still young. And sadly, so many of us learn all too soon to stop asking for what we need, to stop trying. We give up and shut up. We become everything the Canaanite Woman was not.

Which is precisely the point of the story. There was a time I thought Jesus was just toying with her, testing her tenacity, so to speak … and to a certain extent He is. In Consolation for My Soul, Thomas Á Kempis writes,

‘Remember that verse in Matthew? 'One doesn't take bread baked for the tots and toss it to the dogs' (15:26) That's what the Lord said to that Canaanite woman. She was one of those impossible pagans with outrageous requests who dogged His footsteps while on earth. The Evangelist almost called her that Canine woman. But rereading that passage, I find my wretched state now matches hers then. She replied humbly but firmly then; I can only hide behind her skirts.’

The dog woman?! I can think of a word – which starts with a “B”, means ‘female dog’ and is even less complimentary. Can’t you almost read that into what the Apostles say about her? She was so annoying!

And yet! This was her daughter! Many years ago when my first daughter was born, something happened to me; I changed radically. This new little helpless being was placed into my arms and suddenly I grew fangs. I distinctly remember telling my husband a few weeks later that although I didn’t believe in violence, I was sure I could – and would – do anything necessary to protect my new baby.

So to the Dog Woman, it didn’t matter what anyone thought about her or called her. It didn’t matter if Our Lord ignored her. She wouldn’t be put off. She was there to do whatever was necessary. But it was more even than love for her daughter, dogged determination and a lack of pride that kept her one step behind Jesus. It was her faith. She knew He, and He alone, represented healing for her daughter. So she was willing to take whatever scraps Jesus would throw her, knowing that His castoffs would be better than anything else anyone could offer.

And for that, Christ honors her by calling her, “Woman”. I’m not sure, but I don’t think Jesus calls another “Woman” in the Gospels besides His Mother. To share anything with Our Lady is indeed to be esteemed highly. But then Jesus said, “Whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother, and sister, and mother." (Matthew 12:50)

Pray for me Dog Woman! I desire to have a faith as strong, humble and beautiful as yours.

Happy Mother's Day!

I used to evaluate, rank or rate my holidays, i.e., try to determine if they were better than previous ones. As I’ve gotten older, for better or worse – and it really doesn’t matter which – I don’t do that anymore. Now instead I’ve learned to use special days as opportunities to count my blessings. Today I had so many I lost track.

For starters there are my own dear mothers: the dear lady who gave birth to and raised me in the Catholic faith and the other special lady who bore and lovingly brought up my husband. I call them both, “Mom” and I love them beyond words. I am twice blessed in their love and in the wonderful men they've been married to for over fifty years each, my two “Dad”s.

Then there’s the man who made me it possible for me to become a mother, the most profound vocation and life-changing event which has ever happened to me. Thank you Bear, for our two beautiful daughters, and for the gift of your love, fidelity, and friendship through these many years.

Which brings me to our own dear children, the two most beautiful young ladies—inside and out—I know. This week they were both inducted in the National Honor Society (NHS). Our older daughter, Meg, will be President of the Carl Albert High School NHS next year. Michelle performed in her Spring Concert this past week; she amazed me with her talent! And Meg attended her own school’s prom with her friends; she enjoyed herself very much.

If all these blessings were enough, I got to spend the day with my entire family and talk to all four parents as well. Last night I went to Mass with my husband and Michelle and today I went again with Meg. In front of us today at Mass there was a young family with three children, the youngest of which was the most delightful blonde-haired little boy with Down’s syndrome. He was affectionate, sweet, well-behaved and so cute it almost hurt to look at him. It was also obvious he was the delight of his family. As I watched the little boy hugging and kissing his bigger brother, I couldn’t help but think of this video I’d recently watched called, What Do These People Have In Common?

It’s been a lovely overcast misty day spent quietly doing nothing in particular. I am most abundantly blessed. Thank You God for everything! May this little branch forever be attached to Your True Vine!

May all the mothers everywhere have a very happy and blessed Mother's Day!

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wondering and wandering...

Usually when I sit down to blog I know what I want to write about. I'm either going to review a book or recommend a film clip or on rare occasions write a little vignette about something blog-worthy which has happened to me recently.

Right now I have over a dozen books I've read and drafted book reviews for, but I'm not ready to publish any of them. I found this new (to me) wonderful artist who I'd love to write about, but I haven't had the time to do the necessary research on him yet.

Lent is over and so is my journey with Father Neuhaus and Death on a Friday Afternoon: Meditations on the Last Words of Jesus from the Cross, the book Benedict's Book Club has been reading for the past six weeks. I finished it Easter Sunday evening, which was perfect timing.

I thought about writing about our evacuation Holy Thursday night when our neighborhood was on fire. Winds gusting in excess of fifty miles per hour turned a teenage prank into a nightmare for a huge section of Midwest City, Oklahoma. For us, the fires were as close as two blocks, but we were among the blessed. Not so our neighbors, some friends and members of our parish. But it seems wrong to blog about someone else's losses. The worst I had to endure was a night of wondering if I had a home. Considering I asked St. Michael to watch over it for me, all I truly was was tired.

So in the end, this is just an update, to say I'm still blogging, even though I haven't been. I wonder if I should blog. I wonder if I have anything worthwhile to say or if I'm not just wasting my time. Sometimes--and more than just occasionally--I think I don't have anything worthwhile to say. Sure, I read and review books, but I can do that just as well on goodreads. Do I need to maintain a blog too? Is it worth the effort?

In the end, I'm not sure. But then I'm not sure about a lot of things, so maybe that is the point of this blog. In this world where everyone seems so sure about everything, maybe it is worthwhile to have one lone voice crying out, "I wonder...?!"

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The Way of Love: Reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est (Part 3)

This is my third and final post about the book, The Way of Love: Reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est. In the two previous posts of February 21st and March 3rd, I reviewed the first eighteen articles. Here is a summary of the last nine articles. I cannot say enough about how this book enhanced my comprehension of, and appreciation for, the Holy Father's breathtakingly beautiful testimony to love. If you are going to read Deus Caritas Est, read, The Way of Love: Reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est along with it!

20. The Covenantal Character of Love: Reflections on Deus Caritas Est, David S. Crawford: discussion of covenant and its meaning beginning with the Old Testament stories. Covenant is seen as 'gift' in that the future cannot predicted. When a pledge/promise is given in 'covenant' one is sealed or given to another without knowing what is fully given, yet it is given in trust and love even so. God exemplifies this covenantal love for man by the gift of His only begotten Son, Jesus, to us for our sins. We do the same in a much smaller way when we give lifelong pledge of marriage.

21. The Harmony of Love "Idem velle atque idem nolle", Donna Lynn Orsuto: I confess to having a particular fondness for the particular essay for several reasons. For one thing, it deals with friendship, ever a favorite subject with me. But even more, it discusses our friendship with Jesus. With Jesus? Yes! Throughout history the saints have spoken and written about Jesus as Lord, Messiah, and even lover, and spouse, but few consider Him as friend and yet that is exactly how I need and see Him most. Of course He is my Lord and Messiah, no doubt! But in order for Him to remain in my mind and heart 24/7, He must be a friend, a confidant, someone I can talk to as I would a friend. Orsuto highlights those passages in DCE where PBXVI makes it clear Our Lord wants to be our friend, our very best friend, the friend who will always be there, always love us, always take us back, always understand, always forgive and never let us down. With Jesus, we can use words like 'always' and 'never'. With Him we can begin to trust in True Love and Eternal Joy. He is our Best Friend. Beautiful!

22. The Spark of Sentiment and the Fullness of Love, José Noriega: a surprising essay in the fact that it points out the redeeming qualities of sentiment. So often we find so-called serious students of "love" would dismiss all forms of sentiment as false love, but our author shows how the experience of love possesses a sentimental dimension and we are not to dispense with it altogether but rather to allow it to speak in all its grandeur. Due attention is also given to time, maturation of affect and discernment. Excellent article!

23. Love of God and Love of Neighbor, Juan-José Pérez-Soba: an extremely dense article. While no doubt an important topic, I had difficulty with this particular piece and I'm not exactly sure why. I read and reread it several times but it remained largely impenetrable. The reflection on the Good Samaritan was the only section from which I derived any benefit. According to the author, religious hatred is the most virulent type of hatred and in overcoming this we are affirming the principle of love that does not exclude any man, i.e., we are loving as God loves. We see that the neighbor is not the one in need but the one who shows mercy. Perhaps if ones sees this, then it is enough.

24. Charity and Philanthropy, Sergio Belardinelli: refutes those who would say faith and politics never meet; rather talks about their common grounds. Essential elements of Christian charity are trifold: 1.)simple response to immediate needs and specific situations; 2.) formation of the heart requires the interiorizing of Christ in a way that we become like Him so far as is possible; and, 3.) all charity must be free of parties and ideologies. Belardinelli points out (much as Nietzsche did but in a way contrary to him) that we had to experience the complete destruction of Christian values in order to develop a true appreciation of such values. Indeed, we have seen a spread of "Christian" values beyond Christian cultures. Such examples prove the truth of Man created in the image and likeness of God.

25. Charity and the Common Good, Lorenzo Gattamorta: deals with the intimacy and 'realness' of God's presence; His nature in us which is Love, which is why we are called to extend that same love to others. PBXVI has touched on this theme in many of his writings--according to Gattamorta, I cannot claim to having read so many of the Pope's writings myself sad to say. Utopian-ism is, and always will be, impossible, thus human love will be required for the just ordering and maintenance of society.

26. Justice and Charity in Deus Caritas Est, Carl A. Anderson: outlines the history between justice and charity leading up to DCE in important writings on the subject. As the Holy Father has always shown particular interest in the inseparable connection between these vital virtues, it is not surprising he should have forever linked them again here. What is perhaps surprising to some is that justice was given such a prominent place, i.e., it is almost the entire focus of the second half of an encyclical on love. Given his predecessor's focus on other (reproductive) aspects of love, it may have taken some by surprise. In any event, it does shift the vantage of the second part of the papal writing to a wider view.

27. Charity and the Formation of the Heart, Maria Luisa di Pietro: Benedict XVI includes among his priorities for those who do charitable works for the Church "formation of the heart", meaning 'heart which sees' rather than 'a heart which feels'. Life teaches us (or should) that our feelings come and go, real needs persist. Includes description of how this formation of the heart occurs, vertically between God and us and horizontally among us and our fellow human beings, also the development of the heart from affectivity to equilibrium and embracing one's obligations.

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Encountering Christ

When I reminded my dear husband a few weeks ago he had promised to chaperon for our younger daughter's Confirmation retreat to Camp Our Lady of Guadalupe, known affectionately as Camp OLOG by many here in the Oklahoma City diocese, he wasn't especially thrilled at the prospect of spending a week-end with forty to fifty teenagers.

Knowing his joyful anticipation, I wondered what our daughter, Michelle, was going to say when I told her, that her dad was tagging along. After Bear's offer was gratefully accepted, much to his chagrin, our Youth Minister called back and wanted to know if my oldest daughter and I also wanted to come along as chaperons. We begged off, pleading prior plans. But I couldn't help wondering how Michelle would react to her entire family at the retreat. Having her dad wouldn't be too bad, I reasoned. He's pretty cool most of the time and after all, unlike 'Mom', he would be in the boy's cabin and therefore not within hovering distance.

A couple of days before the retreat Michelle learned her Dad was going along...and two adults she knows from our regular week-end Mass, friends of her Mom. She wasn't too happy. We had a family pow-wow. It seems she was looking forward to this week-end because it was a chance to 'get away from her family' for awhile. As her mom, it's sometimes hard for me to understand why she needs and wants 'to get away' from us but then my wise husband asked me, "Didn't you ever want to get away from your family at that age?"

As a matter of fact, I did...

When they returned, Michelle came in carrying this crucifix made out of Play-Doh. My husband and daughter only spoke twice during the retreat and once gave each other a hug. Mostly Bear spent his time explaining teenagers to the other adults chaperoning the kids. He's pretty good at that. He has a lot of experience helping me. I was very tuned into my children when they were little, but since they've become teenagers, I've had to get to know them all over again. It's a day by day process; some days I 'get' it and many days I don't. Or maybe I should say, some days I let them be who they are and other days I expect them to be who I think they should be, or who I think they are, I'm really not sure which. Bear is much better at letting people be who they are, at accepting. I'm better at learning. He's teaching me to accept and fortunately, for our children's sake, I'm (usually) a pretty good student.

Bear said the retreat was good for the kids. They all got away from cell phones, I-pods, non-stop music, TV, and distractions. Many had incredible experiences of Confession; a lot were crying, probably for the first time as a result of receiving a sacrament. They got to spend hours just talking to each other, really talking, not texting. They walked in the woods, explored nature, discovered silence and who knows, just maybe, they even encountered Christ?

When my daughter saw the crucifix, she asked who made it. Upon learning her Dad made it, she picked it up and brought it home.


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The Way of Love: Reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est (Part 2)

Continuing from a previous post of the 21st of February this year, here is a summary of the next nine articles of The Way of Love: Reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est:

10. The Revelation of Love in the Song of Songs, Joseph C. Atkinson: fits the love between man and woman as the center panel in a triptych about love. The first panel is "love created" depicted as Eden and the third panel is "love restored" with the Wedding Banquet of the Lamb. In the book, 'Song of Songs, . . . the most obscure of the books of the Bible, defying any single hermeneutical key to unlock its meaning in a totally integrative fashion' lies the mystery of human love against the backdrop of the Fall.

11. The Novelty of Christian Agápē: The New Testament Testimony, Luis Sánchez-Navarro: interesting book-by-book examination of the New Testament in search of agápē. Although not used as a verb very often, agápē is demonstrated through looks of love, actions, calls to follow, invitations, interactions, affirmations, stories about self-giving love and eventually through the Jesus's ultimate sacrifice.

12. Commandment and Love: From Friedrich Nietzsche to Benedict XVI, Olivier Bonnewijn: brief journey through Nietzsche's three metamorphoses of the spirit: the Camel, the Lion and the Child, which sanctified érōs and took morality beyond good and evil (for Nietzsche). The true relationship exists in communion between érōs and agápē in proper balance by the genuine reality of love; commandment being the benevolent expression of love and not some draconian will to power, animated by resentment.

13. Love and Forgiveness, Jean Laffitte: sees DCE (published in 2006) as a continuation of Pope Pius XII's Haurietis Aquas In Gaudio, May 15, 1956, fifty years earlier. Addresses references to the pierced Heart of Christ in both encyclicals, their evangelical aims and the supreme logic of love and forgiveness.

14. The God Who Loves Personally, Antonio López: DCE invites us to understand that God is a mystery of love. This paper stresses three main points: 1.) God loves with a personal love; 2.) He loves in this way because He is a "communion" of persons; and 3.) God does this because He wishes man to also become a person within a "communion" of love, the Church.

15. The Original Source of Love: The Pierced Heart, Juan de Dios Larrú: reveals the Augustinian basis or heart of Pope Benedict's encyclical, which is the opening quote by that great saint and Church Father, "If you see charity, you see the Trinity." St. Augustine held that love recorded in the human soul is the path that leads us to God; however, knowledge of God isn't sufficient unless when reflecting on love, we also discover the Trinity. To know God, it is more important to know how to love than just to know love.

16. Érōs and Agápē: The Unique Dynamics of Love, Antonio Prieto: this essay above all was the one which first cracked open the encyclical for me. I'm not sure now that I've read so many more that its necessarily better than the others but it just said things in the right way at the right time to open up my understanding and deepen my appreciation for DCE in ways too numerous to list. The historical background on érōs was extremely helpful, as well as the section on the significance of 'logos to the aid of érōs'. These explanations were especially illuminating; I'd recommend Professor Prieto's reflection be among the first read.

17. To Love as God Loves: Marriage, Gilfredo Marengo: compares false reality of love to despair as exemplified by Nora's final words in Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House. Marriage is discussed in DCE as an example of the unity and inseparability of érōs and agápē, rather than as an explicit treatment of the sacrament itself.

18. Participating in His Gift: the Eucharist, Nicola Reali: one of my favorite essays in a book full of good writings. Reali uses the familiar Scriptural story of the disciples traveling to Emmaus to point out how something can be true, real and even right in front of our noses and yet we can still fail to "see" it. He uses this point to dispel the illusion that action is superior to faith and worship and to illustrate the good coming from the Eucharist, both of which are REAL and TRUE despite our unwillingness to trust to that which we cannot see with our physical eyes.

19. Johannine Foundations of the Church, Michael Waldstein: primarily a debate with the 18th-century German philosopher, Immanuel Kant, who saw the paternal nature of the Church as suffocating, leading him to develop his own philosophical theology of 'personalism'. Personalism sees man as the highest value to which all other values are subordinated. Waldstein examines the Gospel of John in light of this challenge and discovers two words also especially prominent in DCE, love and gift. 'While for Kant the dignity and perfection of the person lies in the autonomy of self-caused moral willing, for the Gospel of John (as interpreted by St. Thomas) it lies in the unity of love between the Father and the Son, which is the unity of the Spirit.' (p.261)

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The Way of Love: Reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical 'Deus Caritas Est' (Part 1)

If you're going to read The Way of Love reflections on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical, Deus Caritas Est, plan on taking your time with it. It's not a book you want to rush through.

Benedict's Book Club has been reading the Pope's encyclical Deus Caritas Est, (DCE) for the past two months, during which time I've been reading one of the essays/reflections from TWoL approximately every two or three days. I was adding short reviews of those individual papers until the review got too long and cumbersome. Nevertheless, I'm glad I wrote them as I went along because it helped me record the evolution of my impressions both to the encyclical and to other authors' ideas contained therein. Initially I saw no connection among the various pieces, each seeming to look out from the original work as from a geographical center. However, a little over a third of the way into the work, the overlap became readily apparent, most notably in discussions concerning the interplay between érōs and agápē.

TWoL is a collection of twenty-seven reflections written on Pope Benedict XVI's Encyclical Deus Caritas Est (DCE) by professors from Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family. The writings comprise scholarly articles from a variety of perspectives but all seeking to address the theological and philosophical issues raised in the Pope's first encyclical, DCE.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm no scholar. Yes, I read a lot. But I haven't attended formal schooling in years. These writings are scholarly pieces and no lightweight reading. I found more than a few of them to be dense and very challenging. Fortunately they're mostly less ten pages in length, mostly. It was good for me to stretch myself with this book. I know I got so much more out of DCE as a result of reading TWol. I highly recommend it; I hope there will a book like this for all of Benedict's encyclicals.

Here are the reviews for the first nine articles.

1. Introduction: The Way of Love, Camillo Cardinal Ruini: provides an introduction to the book as well as giving an overview of the encyclical itself, its theological importance, overall significance to history and the sources of PBXVI's insights. Brief but extremely helpful.

2. Love: The Encounter With An Event, Livio Melina: somewhat mystical reflection on love as an event that happens to us, a gift that is given. Our existence and our faith are not acts of our will or thoughts, but come freely from a God Who is Love. Probably the least scholarly work I've encountered thusfar.

3. The Way of Love in the Church's Mission to the World, David L. Schindler: focuses on the second half of the encyclical, the Church's charitable mission to the world as understood in DCE. 'Union with God entails union with all those to whom He gives Himself.' (DCE 14) Basically an elaboration of some aspects of Part II of DCE.

4. "The Love that Moves the Sun and the Other Stars": Light and Love, Stanislaw Grygiel: one of my favorites! Not sure if it was because I got so many good quotes or because of the "Aha!" experience I had while I was reading this one night. Here is just one of my favorite quotes: 'Agápē descends from eternity, and érōs desires to move out of time: eternity is its future. For this reason, only those who with faith, hope and love, in some way already dwell in eternity understand time and know how to carry themselves in it.' Profound and beautiful article.

5. Has Christianity Poisoned Érōs?, Jaroslaw Merecki: philosophical essay discussing various approaches to handling sexual desires from Nietzsche through Freud to the Sexual Revolution. PBXVI says in DCE, '...(the) love between man and woman, where body and soul are inseparably joined and human beings glimpse an apparently irresistible promise of happiness. This would seem to be the very epitome of love; all other kinds of love immediately seem to fade in comparison.' It would seem the answer is a resounding "No!"

6. Love between Man and Woman: The Epitome of Love, William E. May: made me aware of even greater depths in the text by revealing the Latin translations of the word "love". By comparing the English text with the Latin, we see that PBXVI 'argues that amor integrates into one the different kinds of "love" identified by érōs and agápē.

7. Érōs: Ambiguity and the Drama of Love, Giovanni Salmeri: a historic journey through philosophical and theological understandings and wrestling with érōs. An undeniable reality, érōs has been viewed with distrust, as ambiguous folly. Ultimately, we're shown the saints throughout history who have known God as the ultimate Érōs.

8. The Unity of the Human Person under the Light of Love, José Granados: speaks to the positive and integrated aspects of humanity when Love is at the core. 'Give me someone who loves, and he will understand, by the light of his love, that man is one, in body and soul.' An important article in its insistence that science and religion remain married, both disciplines committed to seeing human beings as both body and soul.

9. Agápē, the Revelation of Love and Its Appeal to the Heart: A Comment of Deus Caritas Est in Light of John Paul II's Category of "Elementary Experience", Margaret Harper McCarthy: the event of Jesus crystallizes the the reward in the higher form of love, i.e., the beloved being the reward, 'the joy of being with that person whom the lover takes as goodin se and whose good the lover pursues so that, by it the beloved may be more perfect and flourish.' Love being twofold, involving wanting some good for someone and the elementary experiences from original solitude, through unity to innocence which led Adam to Jesus.

(to be continued . . . )

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