Lassie Come Home

I have always wanted to read this book; I've seen the movie many times. Now I finally read it as an adult. However, I didn't read it just as ‘story’, but from the perspective of the “Great Journey Home” which we are all on. My read was a quest for universal themes, and one in particular. This quote had me in tears when I first encountered it and saw it as pertaining to my own journey back to Jesus:

‘...there was no hesitation. She was going home. Her senses were now aware of a great satisfaction, for there was peace inside her being. She was going home. She was happy. There was no one to tell her, and no way for her to learn that what she was attempting was almost in the realm of the impossible—that there were hundreds of miles to go over wild land—a journey that would baffle most men going afoot.’

This is a classic story because we are all called by something deep inside we don't understand which compels us to journey Home. Sometimes we're aware of it; most times not. I also don't have any problem seeing myself as ‘Lassie’, perhaps because I'm a woman and it is a common Scottish term for females.



A beautiful, sweet story of family, love-of-animals, loyalty, the importance of kindness, persistence and a sure cure for whatever ails you.



‘For I know well the plans I have in mind for you—plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me.’ ~Jeremiah 29:11-14

Thanks Mom for getting this for me! Love you!

Visitors to the Vineyard, pt. 2

Before I left for Mass tonight I was working on a continuation to the previous post, Visitors to the Vineyard. I was writing about how when I left the church after hearing Jesus’ parable explained anew, I resolved to start PAYING ATTENTION to who crossed my path. That homily got my attention and opened my eyes like they had been washed clean in the waters of the Pool of Siloam. I’d resolved to start looking for and really listening to whom God sent my way...

And I have been doing just that. The trouble is that real listening is harder than you think. It’s very hard. So is processing what you hear and learn. I never thought myself a shabby listener before, but now I was trying to be an even better listener. ‘Visitors’ from God coming to ‘obtain...produce’ from my vineyard might come in the form of people needing help or work I need to do—but not necessarily. Work and help are just the obvious examples of our productiveness. There are also ways—known to God alone—in which we grow inwardly: fighting off secret temptations, surrendering our own wills in humility and obedience, struggling to become small, go last, take less or do without. This ‘reverse productivity’ is harder to appreciate because it’s so invisible. But it doesn’t make it any the less real. In fact, I’m inclined to think it’s the harder of the two—well it is for me anyway.

Before I finished the post I was writing—and this isn’t it—it was time for Mass.

The Gospel this week-end is Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. It’s full of irony and missed messages. Jesus speaks metaphorically about the sleep of death and it goes over the disciples’ heads. He has to explain what He means plainly. Jesus wants to teach about the glory of God and Thomas talks about becoming a martyr. Meaning hangs like a thick fog over the entire story and yet nobody is listening to what Jesus is trying to say.

And in the middle of it all, Jesus weeps.

Tonight at Mass, Father’s homily was based on the premise, ‘And Jesus Wept’—the shortest verse in all of Scripture. But did Jesus weep as it says in the Gospel just because he loved his friend Lazarus?

Or were there other reasons why Jesus might have cried? I immediately thought of a pie chart e-mail a friend sent me recently entitled, ‘Why Women Cry’. Answer: 10% of the time because we're happy; 10% because we're sad; the other 80%, we don't know!

Could Jesus have been frustrated? Scared? Upset? Discouraged? Confused? Disheartened by his friends’ lack of belief? Their failure to understand Him? Did He experience a premonition of impending death? Was He feeling lost and alone in the middle of that crowd—their God who loved them and was about to die for them and they just didn’t get it.

Based on my own experiences this Lent, I’d say Jesus had good reason to cry. Real listening and communicating from the heart are the hardest things a human being ever does. We want so very much to be known and understood. It is probably the greatest and deepest longing of the human heart. And yet those thoughts and feelings which mean the most to us, are often those which frighten us and others.

Do we run the risk of sharing them? Or do we play it safe and remain quiet? Or do we just cry?

People don’t always want to listen or see or understand. In fact, we very often don't want to... I know.

I’m so sorry Jesus for all the times I failed to listen to You ... refused to listen ... that I made You cry.

Forgive me.

Visitors to the Vineyard

‘Jesus began to speak to the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders in parables. “A man planted a vineyard, put a hedge around it, dug a wine press, and built a tower. Then he leased it to tenant farmers and left on a journey. At the proper time he sent a servant to the tenants to obtain from them some of the produce of the vineyard....’ Mark 12:1-2

On March 7th of this year—two days before Lent started—I had this familiar parable ‘opened up’ for me. Although these are not the words of the sweet little monk who gave the extemporaneous homily on this Gospel, here is my poor rendering of his beautiful revelation:

We usually think of this story of Jesus’ as addressed to the Jewish people of Biblical times. They are the bad tenants who mismanage God’s vineyard, who beat, ‘treat shamefully’ and kill all the prophets sent to them over the centuries, until finally He, the Son is sent. Jesus is foretelling His own brutal death at the hands of those among the people who were jealous and afraid of Him. And certainly St. Mark confirms Jesus’ story has struck a nerve with the audience, for further on in the same narrative, the evangelist writes: ‘They were seeking to arrest him, but they feared the crowd, for they realized that he had addressed the parable to them.’ Mark 12:12

This can leave those of us who have come after with the comfortable feeling that in this parable at least we are the ‘good guys’. As Christians, Jesus isn’t talking to or about us.

But there’s another way of looking at this parable.

Suppose instead the vineyard is an analogy for each one of us. What if we are the vineyard? God has ‘planted us’ and leased us to ourselves—we remain His; we certainly do not belong to ourselves.

When the time comes, He will send His servants to us. They will come in many shapes and sizes. We will probably not recognize them anymore than the Jewish people recognized God’s messengers of old.

They will come to us as they did to the Israelites, as natural disasters (plagues), as war/acts of terrorism (foreign invaders), as the inarticulate (Moses), military leaders (Joshua), crazy men (Saul), boy upstarts (David), quarreling couples (Samson and Delilah), adulterous politicians (also David), beauty queens (Ester), weepy youths (Jeremiah), grumpy runaways (Jonah), loudmouth ascetics (John the Baptist), dreamers (both Josephs) and unwed mothers (Mary). If you take away their Scriptural significance, can you imagine a motlier group?

They are us.

They are also visitors to our vineyards.

How many have we ignored? Beaten? Verbally, if not physically? Killed? Either emotionally, spiritually or mentally?

God will keep sending them to us, to His vineyard. He did the planting. He is coming to collect His produce. Eventually the visitors will be replaced with the Visitor, Jesus.

Oh Lord, I thank You for that wonderful priest, Your son and the amazing insight You shared with him. I have had many visitors to my vineyard since that day: rude drivers and good friends; the disgruntled and self-satisfied; family and strangers. There have been many messages from You I welcomed, some I learned from, a few I still don’t understand and others causing me horror and great pain.

Whatever my feelings or thoughts, I thank You for helping me see that they all come from You. Please help me continue to accept each and every visitor You send, as someone sent by You to help prepare me for Jesus’ Second Coming.

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God

Recently I listened to Jonathan Edward’s famous sermon, Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. I had heard of it yet never read it. My initial reaction was surprise. This was the sermon which provoked the 'Great Awakening'? I had to walk away and find something else to do. I prayed a lot the next day and fortunately it was my day off so I had the time to do it.

Also fortunately, the readings yesterday at Mass were about an incident where Jesus becomes angry. Perfect. This allowed me to prayerfully write this book review for goodreads:

'Reflecting on Edward’s sermon, there’s nothing technically wrong with it and yet still it doesn’t ring true. It doesn’t sound like the same God I have come to know through the Jesus I’ve met in the Gospels. Where is the Abba, Father we are supposed to address our prayers to?

Yes, Jesus does become angry in the Gospels. In the Gospel of Mark in particular, Jesus is portrayed as rather impatient, brusque even. He curses the fig tree—symbolic of barren Israel and a parable on the fate of Jerusalem—and it withers. He trashes the moneychangers in the Temple and then he teaches. He teaches. Like all good parents, he gets his children’s attention with a little anger and then proceeds to explain its meaning, why he lost his temper.

And why did he become angry? What are the wayward children doing which has led to this? What does Jesus tell them? That God delights in holding his children in Divine suspension until it is His pleasure to send them to the fiery abyss? No. ‘That the reason why they are not fallen already and do not fall now is only that God's appointed time is not come?’ No. Hear what happens in the Gospel immediately after the incident at the Temple with the moneychangers:

‘Peter remembered and said to him, "Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered." Jesus said to them in reply, "Have faith in God. Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen; it shall be done for him. Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours. When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions." (Mark 11:24-26)

Peter sounds like a little boy excitedly reporting news to his favorite teacher, which in fact was exactly what was happening. Jesus told them to believe in God, to pray and to forgive each other so that God would be able to forgive them in kind. Does this sound like an angry God? Not to me. And if you go back and read that whole chapter slowly and in context, I promise a fuller picture emerges—as always happens when you sit down with the Jesus of the Gospels. He is desperate to talk to us. Angry? No. Passionate? Yes! There is love and deep compassion in his every word.

Yes, there will be justice along with mercy; that is in fact true mercy. Those who deliberately, with full knowledge, choose to turn their backs on God will get their heart’s desire.

I wanted to be moved by this famous sermon. Well, I suppose I was, just not in the way I’d hoped. God is a God of Love and Love is the most powerful force in the universe, more powerful than anger by far. Perhaps where Love is weak, we humans build up other things to fill the gap. I don’t know.

The thing I am most sad about, however, is that Edwards didn’t persuade me. We have no shortage of sin and I know it must cause Our Lord a great deal of anguish because he loves us all so very much. Sadly, Edwards is 100% right about the eternal suffering of those who are bent on refusing and denying God. They will surely get what they have asked for.

An excellent rendering of this classic sermon may be heard on Sermon Audio. However, I suspect the reader, David Bruce Sonner, presents a much more matter-of-fact version of this hellfire and brimstone text than that which was first given by Edwards on that July day in 1741.'

Presentation to the LORD

Today is the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord or the Feast of the Purification of the Blessed Virgin, a relatively ancient celebration. In some places it’s called Candlemas Day. If I wasn’t snowbound, I like to think I’d being going to Mass to celebrate this day. As it is, I said my rosary and I’m having a quiet presentation of my own here at home with my husband and cat.
Reading up about this tradition, I learned that,

‘According to Jewish law, the firstborn male child belonged to God, and the parents had to "buy him back" on the 40th day after his birth, by offering a sacrifice of "a pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons" (Luke 2:24) in the temple (thus the "presentation" of the child). On that same day, the mother would be ritually purified (thus the "purification").

Meditating on these customs of long ago, I thought about their applicability to my relationship with God today.

It’s been 40 days since Our Lord came to us on that glorious Christmas Day. We awaited Him with such joy and anticipation. Then He quietly stole into our world in the most unexpected and out-of-the-way place He could find, yet still fulfilling all that His prophets had foretold about Him. He came as a vulnerable infant, who could have been refused by His mother, denied by His foster father and slaughtered by His ruling monarch. Instead, His birth was sung by a whole Host of Heavenly Angels, witnessed by God’s chosen few and honored by a celestial event. But really that was 2000 years ago, even if we do relive the event every year when we celebrate December 25th or every time we pray the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary.

The Mystery of Christmas is all about the celebration of His Coming into this world. But what is the Mystery of the Presentation?

Is it Mary’s purification and mine? Do I join her in praying the beautiful words from the Magnificat, “My spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior because he has regarded the humility of his handmaid.” Unlike Mary, I only pray the next words as they apply to her. And yes, dear Mother of Our Lord and mine, all generations do call you blessed because He that is mighty, has done great things to you.

Yes, that is part of the Mystery of the Presentation. But there is more. There is also Our Lord’s Presentation. There are the beautiful meetings between the Holy Family and the two people, Anna and Simeon, in the Temple, their joy in beholding Jesus and our joy that at least they understand His significance even if all the rest are ignorant.

Jesus has come to earth, a gift to us from the Father and at the Temple He is offered back to the Father in accordance with Jewish Law, in recognition of the fact that He belongs to God. So Mary and Joseph offer two simple turtledoves in payment for you dearest Jesus. I like to think that they themselves are the little turtledoves and Our Heavenly Father was very pleased with their humble offering. He knew His dearly beloved son would be safe with such parents, young as they were, for they had such pure hearts.

And me? Am I only a spectator of all this? Do the mysteries of the Rosary and Our Faith merely offer us lifeless cold images to look at and speculate about? Or do they invite us into the story as a participant in the wonder and beauty of Christ’s relationship with His Church, the Father’s bond with the Son and depth of love in the Holy Trinity?

I believe we are always invited into the mysteries in a personal way.

I have now come to the Temple as well. I come to present all I have. It isn’t much. It is only ... me. If I should be transformed into something which could fly—and Mary and Joseph are turtle doves—I think I would be a flea or a gnat. But whatever I am, here I am Lord. Please purify me, redeem me and accept this, my presentation, on Your Feast Day. Thank you Jesus for the gift of your life and the glimpse into this scene. Please allow me to go deeper into the Gospel mysteries each time I pray.

“Can you drink the cup?”

‘Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee approached him with her sons and did him homage, wishing to ask him for something. He said to her, “What do you wish?” She answered him, “Command that these two sons of mine sit, one at your right and the other at your left, in your kingdom.” Jesus said in reply, “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?” They said to him, “We can.” He replied, “My cup you will indeed drink, but to sit at my right and at my left, (this) is not mine to give but is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.” Matthew 20:20-23

I just returned from retreat—my first ever work-related retreat. Our retreat master, a nurse by profession—who for the past thirteen years has been working for our archdiocese in a service capacity—is one of those dynamic people who radiates enthusiasm and joy. She chose the above Scripture passage for our theme.

Using the analogy of ‘the cup’ as representing our own life, or God’s Will for us, we were invited to examine holding, lifting and finally drinking the cup. In the first step, we had the opportunity to see how we accept and embrace the lives we are given—in all their idiosyncrasies, mystery, pain, wonder and totality. We were entertained by many stories, some happy, others bittersweet which served to remind that God fills our cups with many varied things.

The second step, lifting or tipping the cup, was the act of community. Last night we even had a little ceremony where we held, clinked and drank from matching stoneware chalices in a symbolic opportunity which showed us visually our connectedness to each other. The beauty and vitality in this transitional movement is that to reach the point of being able to ‘drink from the cup’ we must first recognize the other. Your cup is different than mine. It may look the same on the outside—or not—but it certainly contains different things on the inside. When our cups touch, I acknowledge you and you do the same for me. Such a simple, old-fashioned notion, but oh so desperately needed in the world today.

And finally, I drink of my cup. It is in this action I am joining Christ and accepting the Father’s Will in humble, trustful surrender. Some days it is easy to drink from my cup; other days it is not. But it remains mine and mine alone to drink to the very bottom.

I’ve been trying to take a retreat ever since I started this job. I’ve needed something like this for ages. So often I say, ‘I’m too busy right now. I can’t get away. I’ve got all this work to do.’

And it’s true ... I do have all this work to do. And even more things here at home that I need and want to do. That’s my cup: full-time job which is also a ministry; good marriage I want to keep strong; a busy family life and extended family close and spread all over the country; friends in town and out; a home to care for; and many activities I like to do.

It is a very full cup, but probably no more full than most other people today. Very gingerly I lift my cup to you. Tell me about your cup. Then we can tip our cups together and drink of Our Father's Will.

Child of Prayer

A friend asked me about my New Year’s Resolutions the other day. “What are your plans and dreams for the upcoming year?”

Plans and dreams... Yes, those are both very good things! God has a plan for my life—for every second of every day I have ever lived and will go on living in this world. And He often communicates His desires to His children through their dreams. So what plans and dreams can I have but His?

What I have for the upcoming year are prayers and one prayer in particular: to become a person of prayer.

I desire to live in constant communion with Him.

Every time my mind wanders to a problem, let it be drawn back to Him in trustful surrender.

When my eyes behold evil, let Him show me the Way, the Truth and Life.

If my heart seizes with fear, let His Love encircle and warm me, bringing more love than I’ve ever known before.

May He be my first thought every morning and may I fall asleep with His Name on my lips.

May He love and protect my dear ones as I would if I could—were I but All Knowing, All Loving and All Good.

May He turn all my sins into opportunities for growth in kindness, humility and patience.

Sweet Jesus, with every breath I take in, let me seek You; with every breath out, may I grow closer to You.

You know LORD what a wretch I am—how far I have to go, how much I ask by daring to pray as I do. And yet, You are the God of the Impossible. With and through You, All Things are possible, even my sanctification.

Help this year be a YEAR OF PRAYER for your servant. Help me seek You at all times, in all ways and without tiring.

Make me Your child of prayer.

Ten "Things" Mom Wants For Christmas

My younger daughter told me last night I’m the hardest one in the family to buy gifts for. I laughed and said that’s probably because I have everything I want. She looked at me like I have seven heads. Okay, sure, I would like to get my favorite recliner reupholstered and new carpeting for the front room, but such mundane someday-they-would-be-nice-es aside, I’m probably the most contented person I know, so far as THINGS go. I don’t want any more things.

What I value most in my life right now are the people I love and the time I get to spend with them. I can never get enough of both of those. So keeping that in mind, dearest offspring, here are some ideas of what mama bear would like from her cubs for Christmas.

1. Read any Jane Austen book and then plan a “Jane Junket” where we watch the mini-series corresponding to that book (actually we have two!) and maybe even take in the additional movies, “Becoming Jane” and “The Jane Austen Book Club”. I know this would involve a lot of time but you have Christmas vacation coming up and you did ask what I wanted. ☺

2. Take me out to lunch. I don’t care where we go or what we eat, how many coupons you use, what the specials are, or how cheap the meal is, so long as you don’t look at your watch, we have a nice leisurely meal where I can drink coffee and we can talk about nothing and everything and not be in a hurry … !

3. Invite me to have a pajama party with you and your sister. You may even invite over one of your friends that I call my third daughter (you know the girls I mean). Let me hang out with you, watch movies, decorate cupcakes, eat ice cream, tell ghost stories, get my hair done and pretend I’m girl again. Maybe you'll be surprised to find out how fun your mom can be!

4. Surprise me by showing up at my office one day during the holidays. You don’t have to bring lunch or even help me do any work. Just drop by and see how I am. If you stayed for a short visit, it would be heaven.

5. Go to Mass with me one day during the week without me asking. That’s it.

6. Run away for a day to someplace neither of us has ever been to before.

7. Spend the afternoon/morning at Barnes and Noble. Find a book we both like which there are two copies of. Find comfy chairs near each other and speed read it. Then over café mocha or hot chocolate talk about it.

8. Just hang out with me some Friday or Saturday night. With the Christmas tree up, we can talk, play a game, try out a new recipe, work 3D puzzles, walk around the neighborhood and look at the lights, or do something else which you think up.

9. Get out our book and start writing in it again. Tell me something about yourself you have never told me before.

10. You! You are the very best gift to me. Decide how to ‘package’ yourself. By that I mean, you figure out a fun thing we can do together.

These are some ideas. I hope they help.

I want to be with you. I want to see you, hear you, enjoy your company and know that you are safe and well. I want you to be good, wise, upright, kind and true. I want you to know, love and serve God in this life so that we may all live together with Him in eternity.

I want the same thing for Christmas Mary wanted: God’s Will for my child. May He bless you this Christmas!

Daughters of Abraham

'Jesus was teaching in a synagogue on the sabbath. And a woman was there who for eighteen years had been crippled by a spirit; she was bent over, completely incapable of standing erect. When Jesus saw her, he called to her and said, “Woman, you are set free of your infirmity.” He laid his hands on her, and she at once stood up straight and glorified God. But the leader of the synagogue, indignant that Jesus had cured on the sabbath, said to the crowd in reply, “There are six days when work should be done. Come on those days to be cured, not on the sabbath day.” The Lord said to him in reply, “Hypocrites! Does not each one of you on the sabbath untie his ox or his ass from the manger and lead it out for watering? This daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen years now, ought she not to have been set free on the sabbath day from this bondage?” When he said this, all his adversaries were humiliated; and the whole crowd rejoiced at all the splendid deeds done by him.' ~Lk 13:10-17

Today at Mass I heard this Gospel proclaimed. In my mind's eye I saw a group of "daughters of Abraham" who are and have been living for '... years ... crippled ... bent over, completely incapable of standing erect" ... or worse. Their faces are invisible as are their lives. They have no identity, no voice, not even enough vision with which to see the world. The clothing they are forced to wear is so heavy it all but weighs them down.

What would Jesus say to them? “Women, you are set free!”? Would He lay His sacred hands on one of them? Each of them? How would that be received?

What would He say to those who enshroud and enslave them? “Does not each one of you on the sabbath untie his ox or his ass from the manger and lead it out for watering?” In other words, your dumb beasts have it better than your mothers, daughters, and wives!

These daughters of Abraham came from Ishmael. Are they less than the daughters of Isaac? If not, why are they kept in these canvas prisons? I wonder what Jesus would say ... and do ...

Day 17 - Finding God in Narnia

‘When he saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. He began to teach them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”’ Matthew 5:1-11

For Reverend Mills, Jesus’ teachings on the kingdom make him think of the magical land of Narnia created by C. S. Lewis, especially as it is discovered and explored by Lucy and the other Pevensie children.

Parallel worlds are in fact one of the best ways to understand many of Our Lord’s teachings.

Sometimes daily life offers similar glimpses which we can share.

This past week I agreed to speak to a group of seniors from our parish on the topic of Adoration—the History of Adoration in the Catholic Church in 8 minutes or less was actually my assignment—if you can believe it.

I agreed to do it because I love Adoration, full stop. Trying to imagine doing justice to such an important topic in only 8 minutes—much less anything less—I never took seriously even before I started my research. I mean really? We’re talking two thousand years of Catholic Church history here. It simply can’t be done.

Throughout the week I made sure I spent at least an hour with Jesus every day in our Blessed Sacrament Room talking to Him about what He wanted me to say about Him.

Without a doubt it’s been the best week of my life. I worked ten hour days, fourteen on Wednesday but somehow everything came together. The talk went well. I know I went over my 8 minutes but no one complained. I’ve never been less nervous in front of a group of people in my life. Never. And I would say that usually I prefer dental visits to public speaking.

However, last evening I was thrilled to speak. It was the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart, a feast closely associated with the Holy Eucharist.

Just the day before, I had received a lovely gift from a dear blogging friend, Julie Cameron, two autographed books which she picked up for me. The one book she’d told me about, the second was an extra surprise. I look forward to reading and reviewing both books for her. God bless you Julie!

Seek the Kingdom of God, the Pearl of Great Price. He is worth it!

He is waiting there for you and He is Everything!

Day 15 - Don’t Be Late for Dinner

‘Jesus again in reply spoke to them in parables, saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son. He dispatched his servants to summon the invited guests to the feast, but they refused to come. A second time he sent other servants, saying, ‘Tell those invited: “Behold, I have prepared my banquet, my calves and fattened cattle are killed, and everything is ready; come to the feast.”’’ Matthew 22:1-4

Yes, I realize I’ve missed Day 14. It wasn’t a mistake; it was intentional. When I go back and do that post, you’ll understand why I just couldn’t publish it today on the Feast of Corpus Christi—as well as why this topic is so much more relevant.

“Don’t be late for dinner!” How many times did you hear that as a child? For me, it was usually as the screen door banged shut behind me; the last sound of my mother’s voice before I was gone to play. She knew that. That’s why she said it. She wanted me to remember to come home when there was every likelihood I'd be distracted . . . by my friends, the game we were playing or who-knows-what.

Our Lord is also preparing dinner for us. But not just any ordinary dinner. He has called us to a banquet of all banquets.

‘Everything is ready’, He says.

But the question remains, are we? Am I?

Day 11 - God Doesn’t Give Handouts

‘Jesus began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and rise after three days. He spoke this openly. Then Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. At this he turned around and, looking at his disciples, rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” He summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.”’ Mark 8:31-38

There’s an old Chinese proverb which says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

I’m a teacher. It’s my vocation, my charism; it’s in my blood. I taught my baby sister to read when she was three and I was thirteen and then went on to organize a summer neighborhood nursery school camp for her and her little friends which I ran for the next three summers. I wasn’t going to charge for it, but the mothers of the tots—children I babysat for—all insisted. Still my profits were nil because I reinvested every nickel I made in treats, art supplies and games for the kids. In the military I was a part-time instructor. When I got out it was to homeschool my own children. Now I’m the Director of Religious Education for my parish. What can I say? I love to learn and I love to share that love of learning with others.

Some lessons are harder than others. One of the hardest is this one: God, and your fellow man, are here to give you a hand up, but not a hand out. There’s a difference—a big difference. Ultimately, my destiny is my own responsibility. It is the result of my own choices. Every time something happens to me, I have a choice. I can accept what happens or I can whine, complain, and blame others for my circumstances. I wish I could say I never resort to those childish forms of behavior—that I always cheerfully accept whatever circumstances I encounter. I wish that were true, but it isn’t . . . yet. I’m still working on it.

That’s why I like this chapter so much. I need this reminder. In the next hour or the next day, something will happen which I don’t like. I can focus on those things or I can keep my eyes on what I can do, my next goal, what lies ahead.

My oldest daughter graduates from high school tomorrow. I’m feeling many things as I look ahead to this milestone. Fortunately I’ve been so busy lately; I haven’t had a moment to think about my feelings concerning this event, which swing from excited to sad and from proud to lonely all in the space of five minutes. Last night we went out to help some friends who were hit hard by the May 10th tornadoes clear trees. My house needed cleaning and I was tired from a full day at work, but somehow—with His Grace—I found the energy to do everything. Best of all I forgot about my daughter growing up, graduating and moving away.

Life changes and moves on. Today I went to a funeral—always a good reminder of the brevity of this life. I know that mine is going by at a break neck speed! In the meantime, if I can lend someone a hand up, I hope I do.

And I pray that somewhere along the line I taught my daughter to fish—literally and spiritually.

Day 7 - Today Salvation Has Come

‘He (Jesus) came to Jericho and intended to pass through the town. Now a man there named Zacchaeus, who was a chief tax collector and also a wealthy man, was seeking to see who Jesus was; but he could not see him because of the crowd, for he was short in stature. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus, who was about to pass that way.’ Luke 19:1-4

What a fun story! It’s a religion class and Vacation Bible School favorite—and for good reason. There’s lots of visual imagery and action, just what children like and will remember. First, it’s not just any tree but a sycamore tree and a man so short he can’t see over the crowds ... running ahead of them to find himself a good high spot from which to hail this Jesus-person.

But with all that slap and dash, it’s possible to overlook some deeper aspects to the encounter.

Jesus was there then. Not tomorrow or the next day, or next week, but on that day. It was a now or never kind of opportunity. As Our Lord says a few lines further on, “Today salvation has come to this house.” Today.

Today.

Is Jesus coming to my town today? Is He ‘about to pass my way’?

He is here for me every day. Jesus lives in my church. The Bread of Life awaits me at every Mass. Reconciliation can be mine for the asking almost whenever I want it. What am I waiting for?

What indeed?!

“For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost.” Luke 19:10

Day 6 - Do You See What I See?

‘Now as he approached Jericho a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging, and hearing a crowd going by, he inquired what was happening. They told him, "Jesus of Nazareth is passing by." He shouted, "Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me!" The people walking in front rebuked him, telling him to be silent, but he kept calling out all the more, "Son of David, have pity on me!"’ Luke 18:35-39

The beauty in this story is in the irony. The blind man, Bartimaeus, could see what those who still had two good eyes could not. Jesus was so much more than his traveling companions knew or – if you’ll forgive the pun – could see. They saw Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus, son of Mary and Joseph from Nazareth, a teacher, a holy man, someone they wanted to follow to be sure. But the sightless man saw salvation in the form of God’s promised Messiah.

Do you ever feel that way? That you can see more than meets the eye? Have you ever been in a crowded room at a social gathering where everyone is making small talk—about the food, about the night’s events, about the weather (yawn!)—and you were seeing a different picture? Maybe I’m just weird (okay I know I am!) but sometimes when I’m at those kinds of social events, I look around at all the people and tell myself, ‘God loves all these people—every single one of them.

And yet they are each unique individuals; completely different from each other. Every man and woman here is an original in the eyes of God, with his or her own special story, maybe of pain and suffering, but also of hopes and joys. He knows this man’s fear of bankruptcy and that woman’s insecurity about her weight. He sees back into the past which has brought them here and beyond this day/night until that soul returns to Him.

When I begin to think like that, it’s easy for me to get lost and sometimes I get ‘caught’ at it. People accuse me of daydreaming. Yes, I’m a daydreamer, but I also like to think that I’m a little “blind” when it comes to social functions. I don’t fit in and I’m frequently at a loss for words. Still when I’m seeing things in just that way, I am often reluctant to return to ‘real life’. I prefer to see as a socially blind person.

I wish I could have met Bartimaeus and talked with him. I would have asked him what he saw.

Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me a sinner.

Day 5 - Let Your Light Shine

‘You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.’ Matthew 5:14-16

I love this time of the year! The days are getting longer but it’s not too hot yet. There’s plenty of sunshine left over even if I have to work late and yet it's already light out when I drive to work in the morning. The birds must like it too; they sing me to sleep and wake me up again the next morning. May and June should be three months instead of two.

Reading the Gospel passage above, I felt God wants us to love the light ... and knows we will be drawn to do so. Can you just picture Jesus almost dancing as He said those words from Matthew? I know I can. His face must have been very animated and He had to be smiling.

As Christians we must share our joy and our love, not because of ourselves but because of Him! He lives and He lives in each of us.

We need to go out and spread some of that Christian sunshine with the rest of the world still living in darkness.

Here catch some of my fire and pass it on!

Day 4 - Whose Child Is This?

‘When eight days were completed for his circumcision, he was named Jesus, the name given him by the angel before he was conceived in the womb. When the days were completed for their purification according to the law of Moses, they took him up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord, just as it is written in the law of the Lord, ‘Every male that opens the womb shall be consecrated to the Lord,’ and to offer the sacrifice of ‘a pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons,’ in accordance with the dictate in the law of the Lord.’’ Luke 2:21-24

To receive the full benefit from this retreat or any other, it must be experienced personally. In addition to the Scripture passages each day, I’m reading the selected verses and then the associated text in the book. Not everyone can afford the time or money required for most retreats, so this on-line format offers readers the opportunity for spiritual growth in the comfort and convenience of their own homes.*

This chapter is about names and their importance to identity. In the book we learn about the significance of Biblical naming and name changes. We also read about the dangers of labeling and how cruel labels hung on a child or a young person can damage self image for life.

The baby Jesus was taken to the Temple on the Eighth day—as was the Jewish law—and presented for naming by his parents Mary and Joseph, the carpenter from Nazareth. He is their son and it’s their responsibility to do this.

Jesus is also the only Son of God the Father.

And He is Our Savior . . . the Alpha and Omega . . . the Good Shepherd . . . and so much more.

Names are so important and so tricky.

Whose child is this?

He is mine.

I pray He is yours as well!



*Each day from June 1, 2010 - June 30, 2010, the author, Reverend Mills will post questions for discussion and reflection on his blog, which will relate to corresponding chapters in the book. After reading the day’s chapter, participants are encouraged to post answers to the questions on the blog, or use them as starting points for daily journal entries. Acting as guide and facilitator, Mills will respond to daily postings with comments and questions of his own, creating a month-long online spiritual community. For more information about this on-line retreat opportunity, check out this Press Release.

forgetting what lies behind

Have you ever had a conversation with someone which was so good you were torn between hanging on every word and wanting to grab a pen or a tape recorder so that you could capture every word?

I just had such a conversation. I don’t want to forget it, but already so much of it is slipping away from memory. It was more than the meeting of minds or hearts—although it certainly was that—it was the communion of two souls. After Mass today I very much wanted to tell a lady from our parish who I know and like, but don’t know as well as I’d like to know, that I really appreciated her rendering of the Second Reading from Philippians. It’s a difficult selection and she is a superb lector, but today I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking through St. Paul’s words and her voice. It was a God moment.

Before I had a chance to tell her what I thought about her lectoring, we started talking about women, our need to give, the importance and gift of being able to receive, and special women we both know. Then in a very natural way, the conversation turned to the loss of her husband four years ago and her subsequent walk with grief.

This was not one of those conversations with a woman looking for sympathy. Rather it was the shared insight from a truly Wise Woman.

The husband she described sounded very much like my own husband—a wonderful man, loving, considerate, generous, hard-working, always thinking of others before himself. He used to take care of everything around the house, from doing the grocery shopping to scrubbing the bathroom floors. After he died, she would find herself on her knees scrubbing the floors crying ... thinking ... remembering. There are some things in the past which shouldn’t be forgotten.

But when he died she found her real spiritual work began. She needed to learn to develop in areas which she didn’t even know existed, where he’d been strong for her. It was this inner strength, this holy wisdom, this deep spirituality which I heard when she lectored. I drank it in.

I thought too about my own dear husband and felt a moment of panic, sheer terror actually, as I thought of my own potentially impending future, a time to come without him. What would I do? How could I go on?

She spoke of kind people—dear friends—wanting so desperately to help her in her bereavement and how she helped them in allowing them to help her. We both had tears in our eyes and few spilled over as well. She apologized to me! I felt privileged and honored that she would share her story with me.

We talked about judgments and she said how we are all taught to judge everything, from the weather, to people, to situations. But what a different perspective if instead of judging we choose to look at everything as an opportunity from God to grow. “What do you want me to gain from this O LORD?” And she said oh so much more…

Finally I did get to tell her how much I enjoyed and benefited from hearing her lector today, but by the time I did, I had already gained so much more, well … anyway, it made her happy. And for that LORD, I am truly grateful!

‘Remember not the events of the past,
the things of long ago consider not;
see, I am doing something new!’

unworthy

Three quarters of the way into infamous “Pie Fight” from the 1965 classic comedy “The Great Race” the clown, I mean, crown prince comes into his own and utters a line my family enjoys very much and quotes very often: “You’re banished! I’m getting a new tucker-inner! Banished! Banished! Banished!”

We all enjoy laughing at this hilarious scene, the flying pies, the immaculate Leslie, the fate of the fired royal “tucker-inner” . . . or are we really amused by the antics of the pot-bellied prince in firing his staff? That someone can actually have—and lose—such a-hem (!) a prestigious position!

Or . . . could it be we can relate to that sense of being ‘banished’? Isn’t all humor pathos turned inside out?

Perhaps—without even realizing it—we are touched at a primordial level by that thrice spoken curse.

Do I go too far? Maybe.

Today’s three readings all hammer home the same message: man’s unworthiness, especially when seen with respect to God.

In the first reading, Isaiah is overwhelmed by the wretchedness of humanity when he cries out, “Woe is me, I am doomed! For I am a man of unclean lips, living among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!” (Is 6:5)

In the second reading, St. Paul calls himself, ‘one born abnormally’ and, ‘the least of the apostles . . . not fit to be called an apostle.’ (1 Cor 15:9)

And finally, in the Gospel, when St. Peter sees the incredible catch of fish which filled both boats to the point of sinking—after a night of fruitless fishing—he falls at the knees of Jesus and says, “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” (Lk 5:8)

Unworthy. Unworthy. Unworthy.

Yes, we are.

Indeed we are. But it's in the coming to see our very unworthiness, our deserved banishment that we can be rescued from it.

Jesus tells Peter it doesn’t matter, to be not afraid. There is work to be done—a new kind of ‘fishing’ to do. In effect, get to it.

Words I needed to hear today. How often do I look at myself and focus on my shortcomings?! They are numerous. They are equally pointless. However I look at it, I am unworthy, but I am still called.

CALLED.

Called from the banishment and unworthiness of my sins and my fallen state, by the One True God who made me, loves me and has a job for me to do.

Unworthy ... but called anyway! Here I am LORD!

The Story of a Soul

As I’m writing this the State of Oklahoma could be executing Julius Young.

Tonight I went to my first ever execution vigil. No, it wasn’t down at the state capital. It was in our little Daily Mass Chapel at my parish. The prayer vigil was scheduled to begin at 5:30 which would bring things to a conclusion at 6 p.m. – just around when the execution was supposed to take place.

Everyone took turns reading from Scripture: the story of Cain and Abel, an eye for an eye, how many times must I forgive my brother? The lone candle in the center of the room was extinguished; there was one less light of Christ in the world. We concluded by singing “Amazing Grace”. Although we were a small group, one man had the most incredible voice. His could have been the voice we silenced, I mused.

Afterwards our little group lingered ... as if we didn’t want to leave the comfort of each other’s companionship. We all complimented the man with the incredible voice. Another man spoke up about his experience as the spiritual director for someone on Death Row. He and his wife had literally lived there for the last few months of a man’s life. We listened and learned about that person’s final few minutes on this earth; he was praying.

As I left the chapel I recalled a gift I’d received earlier in the day from my Confirmation saint, St. Thérèse. It’s been awhile since I’ve asked her for a rose but I needed one today and she gave me one, a very special and beautiful rose. I wasn’t expecting two.

Our book club is currently reading her autobiography, The Story of a Soul. In Chapter 5 of Story, Thérèse relates an incident about an impenitent murderer who she prayed for, begging God’s mercy in response to Jesus’ cry from the Cross, “I thirst” for souls. In response, the man gave a sign at the last moment which allowed her to know he had repented his sins. This increased Thérèse’s desire to bring more souls to her Jesus.

I saw her hand in my being at the prayer vigil. Please St. Thérèse, continue to rain your shower of roses down on us. And beg God’s mercy on us all! We are so much in need of it.

Trust in God

The trouble with being a book lady is that you read – or have read – and/or heard so many truisms, good words, wise sayings and profound thoughts from so many wonderful sources at different times and places, in various formats, written and verbal, you just can’t remember the origins of everything. Google and other Internet search engines are a great help in tracking down many things, but they can’t locate everything. Often, some of my favorite quotes and stories linger in my memory and form my conscious decision-making basis and yet I am unable to remember who first promulgated the idea or how to locate the exact words in a saying or place it contextually. It’s very frustrating to say the least. One wants to give credit where credit is due, of course. But also, there is always the sense of only having a fraction of the whole, a poor reproduction or a sloppy translation. (sigh)

One such normative principal for me concerns prayer. In case anyone who followed my earlier series on Mental Prayer is wondering, yes, I am still continuing on with it. In fact, for the first time in my life, my prayer life has taken wings. I have no idea where it is going, nor can I attribute it to any one particular book, method or routine. In fact, it’s almost been since I stopped forcing myself into the rigidity of fixed parameters—beyond that of adherence to a daily prayer commitment—I began to experience contemplative prayer for the first time in my life. My spiritual director confirmed that indeed it is possible to enter into contemplative prayer when one is washing dishes or doing almost any ordinary household task, although not advisable to do so when one is driving or operating dangerous machinery. But I digress.

What I was leading up to in the first paragraph was that I have always understood prayer to be ‘talking to God’. Listening to Him and hearing His answers are other matters entirely. They require much more spiritual maturity. Indeed listening to another human being, even one we think we know and love well, is no easy thing for most of us. Listening requires quieting our own minds, setting aside our own agendas and entering into a space with the other person. And yet even when we do this, we still bring ourselves into that new space. Indeed, we can’t leave our ‘self’ behind—well to certain extent, what would be the point? Presumably the person talking to us must have his/her own desire to talk to us as well. So what do we bring and what do we leave behind? Hopefully, we bring our compassion and our openness to the other person. We bring our desire to learn and be moved by what the other person has to say to us.

Now, extend that scenario to a conversation with God. He is talking to us ... or trying to. How can we or do we listen to Him? Do we attempt to squeeze Him into a few odd minutes here and there? Or do we fully enter into the time we give Him, and after presenting Him with our needs and concerns, petitions, thankfulness, sorrows, sins and ultimately our overwhelming love, adoration and worship, do we then rest in Him as we would in a lover’s arms? Can we settle quietly as His lost lamb ... rescued and now secure?

Somewhere, sometime I heard – or read – that one of the ways God speaks to us is through Holy Scripture. Not that we can use the Bible like an Ann Lander’s answer book: ask God a question and presto, open the pages to reveal God’s hidden truth for you. No, nothing like that. In fact, be very careful of doing anything like that! What I’m talking about is during your prayer time, it is often very helpful to have Holy Scripture or another favorite devotional book handy. Through these means God can and will sometimes provide words or an uncannily appropriate phrase which will touch your heart so deeply, you know without a doubt He has spoken directly to you. This is the half-remembered wisdom I wish I could trace back to its origins. I know I read it somewhere. I know it is true and that it is a reliable means of hearing His Voice.

Last night, I settled down in my bed, pulled the quilts up, propped my Bible on my knees and opened to Psalm 4. I have many, many favorite Psalms but I don’t think I ever appreciated this beautiful little song before or even paid it much attention.

A beautiful motto for the New Year, for the Epiphany and the rest of life: Trust in God. He is manifest!

My favorite parts from Psalm 4:

Answer when I call, my saving God.
In my troubles, you cleared a way;
Show me favor; hear my prayer.
Know that the LORD works wonders for the faithful;
The LORD hears when I call out.
Tremble and do not sin;
Upon your beds ponder in silence.
Offer fitting sacrifice and trust in the LORD.
Many say, "May we see better times!
LORD, show us the light of your face!"
But you have given my heart more Joy
than they have when grain and wine abound.
In peace I shall both lie down and sleep,
For you alone, LORD, make me secure.